Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
