I am in a vortex of obligation.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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