Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
