I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
