she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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