imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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