My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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