I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
