I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
