Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
