All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
His nipple licking is glorious
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