Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Drake has all the answers
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
