So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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