Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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