i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
