Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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