You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
