I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
