He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
