why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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