I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
