I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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