I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
