He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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