thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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