Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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