Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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