get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
