i think my mom watched the whole time
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can vaginas get frostbite?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
