"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All the doctor said was why
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
