you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
