Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
