Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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