We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
