A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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