I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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