dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
