what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
