The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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