which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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