"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
