We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
