Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
