News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
