just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
