haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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