I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
