dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
