Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
