oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
