soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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