new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
