I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
