did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
