Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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