was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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