Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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