2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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