He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
