The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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