My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
