We got so high we made milksteak
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
