I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
