tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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