make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
