i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize