I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
