no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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