D3 body, D1 cock
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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