Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
