The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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