Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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