my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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