Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
