I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
