I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
